It’s
been a little long, but we have conquered the battle and peace will reign until…tomorrow,
perhaps.
I
really have this thing about being obsessed or compulsive when I’m stressed. I’ll
deliberately do other things that I know are not urgent (I won’t say they’re
not important because they are vital to my sanity at that point in time)
instead of equipping myself for the war ahead. This time it has gotten a little
out-of-hand, I’ve been going crazier and more ‘ambitious’ and I really honestly
don’t know if I will emerge this fight victorious.
Lately
I’ve been a kind of even disappointed with myself. What ever happened to
positivity and encouragement and faith and motivation? I mean I’m still sane
enough to laugh and do funny things but when I get home I just question
everything I need to do. So cliché but it’s somewhat the whole cross-roads
thing and ‘what am I doing here’ question. I need to remind myself of all the
answers I ever convinced myself of. The answers I sometimes even tell others,
but now I lose sight of and run off-track.
Again,
there have been things that irked me recently as well, but I never find it
comfortable enough to spit it out here. In a way, I sometimes don’t tell even
the people concerned that they have angered or annoyed me because I don’t want
you to walk on tiptoe around me. I don’t want relationships where you need to maneuver
your way through the buried mines. Along the way I’ll learn to be more patient,
and you’ll learn to understand what I like or not better.
With
all that out of the way, I’m immensely glad that most of promos are over and I
can pause this upside-down lifestyle and do more of what I want to do.