That feeling is comforting yet annoying. Oxymoron?
When you awake in bed, still lying on your side/back, hugging your bolster, then
a fleeting tune permeates your consciousness… dumdumdumdumdumdum,
dumdumdumdumdum… now, where did that come from? It’s so familiar, but is it a
song I know? Or where did I hear it? dumdumdumdumdumdum, dumdumdumdumdum… oh
man. It’s
getting into me.
Why was I so nervous? It’s not like my
first time performing for people. In recent times, I’ve even come to relish
every performance. But today, I realized, was my first time in 4, 5 years
playing on the stage, on that grand piano in church. It was my ever time
playing the accompaniment for any choir in a performance context. And to top it off, I wasn’t yet very sure of
my playing, to be honest. So that’s why
I was so nervous. All these factors are usually not any hindrances during HMP
performances. Am I making too many comparisons? Every performance setting and circumstances
are different. Maybe I should stop comparing them and taking them as they are,
and soak myself in every playing with all I’ve got.
I shall learn to put away my expectations, so I won’t be caught off guard that
much.
The upcoming week looks exciting enough for
me. Meanwhile I should be getting as much work as I can do done. The key word
is ‘should’.
‘Do not book a judge by its cover.’
3:18 PM
Why does my finger smell like
instant noodles seasoning?
I just bathed like an hour or
two ago.
Fine, I did eat instant
noodles… but that was yesterday.
On an unrelated note,
NaaAAAAAHH.
9:08 PM
I love just sitting on the
beach, halfway in the water, just soaking in the sun and the waves.
I love sitting on the
balcony-ish platform watching the sea glitter in the sunset, feeling the wind
in my hair.
I love how I managed not to
get sunburnt.
I love doing all that without a
care about my pile of undone/overdue work.
The people are really an
interesting bunch. Watching them fool around is like watching a variety show.
Sabbats week is here! Going to
spend my next five days in a computer lab… Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I don’t really have any expectations, so will just go with it and make the best
of my week.
Nobody cares how much you try, nobody cares how loud
you cry…
Someone cares. Someone sees. Someone hears. Someone loves
you.
9:55 PM
It’s interesting how we say
when people grow old and get senile, they will become more forgetful. But it
isn’t true, is it? They forget things from the present, but they remember
things from long long ago…
We might not remember every
single moment, or every single person. But if it is truly worth remembering, if
some things have personally touched us, or have become such a big part of our
lives at one time or another, I’m sure we will not forget it.
Relive it often, smile at the
good times, reminisce with buddies, but be careful not to live in the past. Relish
it, don’t lust for it.
Though, you hit the nail on
the head. It is scary, and it is a dreadful thought. We are easy to please; we
just want to enjoy life. But society has made it such that no one can survive
just doing that. God put us here for a reason; let’s just find that reason why
we’re here now, and fulfill it the best we can. As we move on, God will lead us
onto our paths that He has prepared for us. Let’s trust that He will bring us
through it.
It could work out, for all you
know. People lose touch because one party or both don’t put in the effort. They
get caught up with life and new people, and forget the people who brought them
there and made them who they are. But let’s try not to be like that. It is
hard, but don’t ever hesitate to randomly leave me a message someday okay? We
all have facebook, twitter, msn, blogs, etc. Let’s try our best to keep it
going, and continue to be an encouragement to each other.
Remember, you are going to
plan my wedding.
I would pluck out the stars from the sky for you,
Or scoop out its reflection, like the best I can do.
But now I’ll look at the night sky and miss you too,
Because wishes don’t always have to come true.
Instead, prayer gives us hope to plough through.
4:18 PM
It feels like we have
entered a new phase. It has been a long time and many things have happened in
between. We have lost many things along the way, and we have learnt many things
along the way as well. Those days, and the things we used to do…it would seem
weird for us to do some of those things again. Some of them, we may never ever
do again. But they create wonderful memories for you and me; of you and me.
We have grown.
I remember being so afraid
of growing up. I still am afraid. But what do I have to fear, with a friend
like you, and a friend like Him?
9:16 PM
Let’s face it. I am feeling more stress than I dare to admit.
For one, having at least 2 papers every week, on top of the regular math
and bio quizzes, and daily homework ain’t gonna cease just for tests, school
life is really getting hectic. I’m trying to convince myself that hey, who
cares about marks, that as long as I get by it’s fine, that hey, there are many
things more important than school work. But truth is, I can’t NOT care, can I?
Unless I don’t mind dropping out of school or something.
Everyone knows that everyone is stressed. We see the weariness on
everyone’s faces. On the surface we laugh and joke and be stupid. But inside,
we are all tired.
Yet, I am holding onto this peace inside of me. I cannot say I am truly
and completely at peace, but there is some of it, keeping me sane. It is a
divine peace that helps me keep calm in calamity. Focus, it tells me. Don’t
worry, it tells me. Patience, it tells me.
Often, we look back and go, ‘Thank God for this’, ‘Thank God for that’
but if we can see that God HAS helped us and guided us (in the past), why can’t
we also think of it in another way, that God WILL help us (in future)? Don’t
just thank God only when you look back. Trust in God for the future.
It is not just school. It is also the emotions, this roller coaster
where I can be up and down AT THE SAME TIME. Some people are bipolar, but I am ‘concurrentlypolar’
(forgive the nonexistent word…).
Just yesterday (and even this morning, and maybe now) I was feeling this
light headedness and excitement over somebody’s
birthday. It was the first time I gave someone such a present that was totally free
yet so priceless. That feeling of being able to give back to someone who had
given me so much was great. I can’t say it was like a debt repaid, but it was a
nice feeling, to know that you can do something to make somebody happy, even if for just a while.
Yet today, I felt so perplexed over many things. The true meaning was
almost lost. I was texting this person and the other person and then another
person all about different things and all at the same time and all through half
the day. Then, physically I was with another, trying my best to empathise and encourage.
Thank God though, that all that I was texting people for, worked out in the
end.
It’s actually quite amazing how I have time to do stuff like:
Doodle all over the cover of my revision notebook
Write 205 words of a chapter of a story
Practice piano for more than an hour for 3 days in a row
Scribble song lyrics all over an A5 page
Take pictures of my revision notes and scribbled song lyrics
Write half a letter
Type this
And many more…
All those irrelevant stuff that I just HAD to do or I’d go crazy facing
the books and notes all day long.
It’s really okay to slack off, you know. We all need a break.
9:26 PM
