I.
How do I put this?
It’s
that situation in which you seem to want something but you know it is hard to
achieve so one layer down you’ve already given up but inside it seems you still
want it and these layers go on like kueh lapis and who knows what the eventual
verdict is inside of you. Perhaps you can’t seem to forget it not because you
are that determined to get it, because you are not, but you just enjoy teasing
yourself with that idea. Perhaps a verdict need not be found because that
dynamic equilibrium is what it is.
II.
It’s a case of having a song in your head but not knowing the title or singer
at all. Worse if you only have one particular portion of the song, so it just
goes on a roll replaying like a broken cassette. Worse if that portion is repetitive
in itself. Worse if what you want is not to get it out, but to appease youself
by actually finding out the lost identity of the song
(beforeistartcomposingsomethingoutofitandsomeonecatchesmeforplagiarism). It’s a
mystery with few or no leads, some people would archive it, some would 追踪到底。