I have too many things to say.Much too many that I'm rendered speechless now.So many things that I wish to update you guys about. But some things...Some things are 'censored'. Better kept to myself. Even though I'm bursting to spill it to someone. I really want to. But I can't. Some things are private. Some things might get me into trouble if revealed. Some things... are plain embarrassing.So, firstly I'd like to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS, though this is a bit late. People say there're 12 days of christmas, but does anyone know whether the 12 days start or end with christmas day itself? I never knew.I got quite a few presents this year. But SOMEBODY forgot to buy presents. TSK.This year's christmas was quite... I don't know. It's as if it just came and went before I had any time to savour it.Christmas is one of those days you wait for the whole year (at least for me), not JUST for presents, but more for the excitement and atmosphere when I meet up with my extended family for lunch/dinner and catch up on life and all that. You know, that knowledge that somewhere out there, there are people who acknowledge your existence by sending chain mail that are savoured instead of dreaded, and you gladly pass on because you never have the creativity to compose your own. I was reading the New Paper on Sunday (boxing day. no other English paper in publication.) and there was a column. The columnist said something like, he recieved only one physical Christmas card, and that implied how much he was loved by others, and technically that wasn't counted because it was from his insurance agent.Does that mean no one loves me because I didn't get a single Christmas card? (Unless you count one from my cousins in Australia for my family)Anyway I just went offtrack. This holiday, so many things have happened. At home, at school (cca), at church, even. I really didn't have time to settle down for christmas.It's so... It's like I want to be all emo about it and wish I can tell somebody all about it and hope they will comfort me and sympathise and... I hope that person to be of the same faith as me, but I dont want that person to just tell me to pray and hand everything to God, because I am already doing that myself. I KNOW God is in control of everything, He has a plan for this to happen, but what I want next is a listening ear, a HUMAN listening ear. I don't know, is it wrong to want that?But everyone has their own life. I can't expect them to listen to me all day long. When I confided in someone, I felt like I was stealing away their time. Time they could use to do things they wanted to. Things they might need to. I felt like I should listen to what problems they might have as well. I felt like I needed to repay that time I stole. Repay by listening and emphathising with them in return. But sometimes, they just want to keep it to themselves. I can't blame that on them.That's why I just try to stay cheerful. As if nothing's happening. Everything's fine. I had a great holiday, tyvm. But is that all? Why wear a mask? Then I realise, am I really that troubled? I'm fine. Nothing's happening to me. If I look at it on the surface, all that is happening has nothing to do with me. Cause and effect. Somehow, though, this matter has everything to do with me. I think I should really stop blabbering. I think taggers are put off by emo posts. Don't try and comfort me in tags. Just ignore that whole chunk. If you want to say anything, if you really care and really want to know more, you can msn me. I might tell you. If I'm in the mood. Or I might just tell you to shut up. (You know what, I never planned to say any of those. It just came to me while I was typing. I literally typed out my thoughts as fast as I could grasp them)Some holiday.