Let’s
not be lazy anymore. Let’s not be lazy to think.
So
Monday to Thursday I was at church camp, and every year’s church camp is always
an amazing time of spiritual renewment. During the year, we often get so caught
up with our schedules, day to day matters, that we use all sorts of excuses to
toss God aside. But in a camp, all distractions are set aside and we spend 3-4
days with fellow brothers- and sisters-in-Christ and with God. I know why camps
are sometimes called ‘retreats’ – we retreat from daily life. It’s like why
monks-in-training have to go up to the mountains and abstain from worldly
things while they meditate all day long. It is the same – we sometimes need
time away from our usual routine and just focus on God. Of course it is not
practical to do this ALL the time, but that’s why quiet time is so important I
guess. It is that little bit of time we can set aside to totally focus on Him.
This
year’s camp was indeed a reflective one. The theme was ‘sin and holy living’,
and at first I admit I had my doubts about this topic because it was so…
unimpactful sounding? I don’t know, maybe we are too used to talking about this
word ‘sin’ that it is just a mere abstract concept in my head. It floats about
inconsequentially, just a label to call ‘wrong’ and a characteristic of man.
But as the camp proceeded, I realized how wrong I was. Sin is something we don’t
talk about often enough – we don’t recognize our own sins enough, we don’t
confess enough, we don’t seek God’s will to avoid sin enough. And one big
takeaway is that, although talking about sin makes us feel weak and inadequate,
we need to remember that weakness is not something to be ashamed or depressed
over. Weakness is God’s way of keeping us humble, and reminding us that we need
God in our lives. And through weakness, we can truly see God’s strength, and
thereafter be encouraged, and let others be encouraged by our experience. “But
he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is
made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’”
I feel really thankful to God for knowing exactly what I
needed and giving me answers through this camp. This internal struggle that I
had for so long, trying to figure it out myself, to trying to numb it out
myself, trying to convince my emotional side using my head knowledge – it didn’t
work. But indirectly, through the daoshis and the sermons, I realised that I
truly was wrong. Not following God’s will in God’s timing in God’s way is also
a sin. Away with ‘follow your dreams’ and ‘it’s my life’ and ‘YOLO’ – my life
belongs to God and I should live for God and enjoy God. And God knew my
weakness, that I was getting increasingly lazy to think about things by myself,
lazy to do QT, lazy to pray. He knew this and specifically put me in a group
with a very challenging daoshi, a very thought-provoking daoshi. The challenge
now is to continue to think, now that I’m by myself again, I need the discipline
to keep thirsting for His word and wanting to know Him more.
I also thank God for the wonderful people in this camp. At
first I was discouraged that the number of campers has fallen – so many usual
faces were missing because they were overseas, or busy with other commitments.
The people who usually encouraged me and kept me company during camps were all
absent, or if they were in the camp, they were too busy. How do I put it? The
past few years, I have been receiving care, and bonding with my peers. This
year, it is more of passing it on… I have grown old… This year there wasn’t a
fixed angel-mortal pairing, and strangely, I didn’t receive a single letter at
all. I am usually one who reciprocates what I am given, so no card for me, I
also didn’t write any cards. It feels a bit sad, but I am still thankful that I
have bonded with a few people whom I usually don’t talk as much to. And I
think.. I have become more comfortable talking to guys… maybe because they are mostly
younger than me?? Haha… But generally, I have come out of my shell at church.
Gone were the days I suppressed my laughter or thoughts, now I feel like I’m
increasingly lame and like to disturb people a bit more. I guess, we all grow
as the years go by. People come and go, we laugh and we learn.
As this year’s camp came to a close, I started to wonder
what the next few years would hold for me. Next year is my last year in the
youth section; what would I do next? As I don’t know what will happen next
year-end, this could potentially be my last youth camp. I hope to hold all
these memories and learning points close to my heart, and with or without
camps, I hope to continue to forge closer bonds with all these people.