It’s been so long since I’ve had so much ‘feels’ for
something. You don’t need to know me very well to know that I am not one to
mark every occasion, big or small, with a long cheesy thank-you note or Facebook
shoutout. I don’t like the idea of hollering to everyone and making a ‘speech’
ya know…This little space is my best alternative, but who reads this?
Typing this one night before the 8 of June, the night
before HCCO’s concert, before OUR, concert, there seem to be a hundred and one
things running across my mind. That of you and you and you, the people I’ve
been hanging around with the past week and even before the week began.
This concert is well, just a concert, but I don’t even
know how it penetrated into so many aspects of my life this past few weeks or
months, that I have forsaken so many things for it. How many tutorials have I
left undone, lessons I ploughed through with half my head in the clouds,
friends I abandoned for after school dates and CSM and all, math remedials
missed, music composition time eaten, morning stoning and extra sleep time,
afternoons for homework and nights for rest and more work… The things I did
instead: sort out scores, print scores, write scores, arrange music, choose
pieces, do write-ups and command people to do other write-ups, conduct skill
checks, conduct interviews (rather, show face at interviews. And strictly not
part of concert but wells. Same time frame), go for practices, meetings, extra
practices…
But I am not here to brag, or more neutrally, announce
everything that I have done, because even with all I accomplished, there are
many more facets of this that were managed by many more people. The exco is a
strange bunch of people who would do anything you tell them to do to the best
they know how to, and we all have little idiosyncrasies, we work very
differently, sometimes we just cannot go the same direction, but eventually,
step by step, teeth gritted and many bumps and underground conflicts after, we
got things done.
Our job scope did not just entail events management.
Every weird thing that cropped up, people-wise, also became our problem. Listen
to the people, be democratic, what do they want? What if every person wanted
something else? Why are they raging? I don’t dare say I handled anything in
this area but this I must say is one of the most stressful parts of it. No one
wants to hurt anybody but when we want to make our point clear, sometimes it
just comes across too sharply. Some words were accidents, some plain foolish,
some people had their points, but some were too unreasonable, some totally
unhelpful. The problems not only lay in the people who spoke but the people who
received. Do we accept the advice, or stick to our guns, or consider all sides,
and what do we choose eventually? Who do we want to please? What are our
priorities? We all stand for different things and we all work for different
purposes. You joined to make the best music, but some of us just want to have
fun. We aim for perfection, but where is perfection? I know, you all want the
best for this CO, and so do we, but who determines what is best? We do not want
to let you down for sure, but we have our own visions as well, so just let us
try because it is our only chance too. It is now or never, and it is already
too late to turn back so let’s go all the way and show them our worth.
While coping with all that, we were all getting really
uptight about everything about the concert, except we started to forget the
most important thing: the music. I guess that’s the only other place I could’ve
and tried to salvage. While the exco were scrambling to get our game together,
the rest of the CO was in shreds… attendance was measly and the sounds were
cringe-worthy. Surely, there were a few who did us proud and never failed to
perform well at every practice, but apart from the few, we were really not up
to mark. We never were. So we did skills checks. Stayed back so many days and
nights, unwilling to sacrifice dazu time, we conducted a slot for almost, or
did we really, every single one. I really felt sad when people complained. No
one is going to scold you or hate you at skills check. You just come for half
an hour, we give you some advice, you know better what to work on, you know
better that you do need to work, then off you go, hopefully you practice, and
you’re done. We don’t expect you to come and pass everything. We know you didn’t
have time to practice. Even the skills checkers themselves, some failed. But
we, just to ensure our music standards, we took out hours and days of our time.
Time that could’ve better spent doing math tutorial… I don’t get any benefits
doing that. Rather, it is really for the most important motivation.
The music needed to get better. What is a concert
without the performers, without the performance? The performance is the music.
Yes, we are renting this professional venue, burst our budget like anything,
and every single minute in there counts. We didn’t rent it because it is a
tradition or just cool. I mean okay maybe when we first chose to hold it there,
we didn’t choose for exactly the best reasons. For one, I wasn’t sure why we
felt obliged to hold it there. But in the end I realized the real reason ought
to be for the music. Our school audi just doesn’t sound as good. We want to
share not the best music, but the best of our music that we can bring to our
friends and family.
After the crazy pre-June odds and ends were sorted
out, we finally settled down to our 9am to 9pm practices. It was practically a
music camp, facing the same bunch every day, just trying to coordinate our
parts and figuring how to express the music well. Definitely, it was tiring to
begin with, and I was already losing sleep before June began. Every short
breather I had, I felt like sleeping, but once we were on to something, there
was no stopping us. We practiced hard, I tell you. We also played (= did
leisure activities) hard. It was one of the craziest happiest times I’ve had in
a while, really. Never met someone who was scared of me until that day. The
quietest people can be so insane when you unlock the right code. The noisiest
people will remain noisier than ever. Bridge and daidi will never lose its
place. And…CO people can do sports okay. Ahem. I really thank God for this
happy-go-lucky gang, who made us all laugh so much, even though some of us are
mere acquaintances but we have all encouraged one another in some way or
another. Thank you all for the little cards and food and seniors who returned.
When I think about how these days were really the last I’d have with HCCO with
this two batches of people… I am honestly sad. In my last days of sec 4,
nothing felt real as I left because I knew we’d see each other again, the chances
of us all joining CO again and making music together was high. But now, what
lies ahead? After this concert, will we ever ever get to play together again? Well
we could return for alumni item heh but it wouldn’t be the same. Not really. And
actually I’m really glad he went away the whole week so I could sit with the
dear batchie I have 相依为命 with for years. :P
So, I don’t know whether I managed to expel all my
hundred and one thoughts accurately and thoroughly above, but as a recount of
the whole journey, I guess it will have to do for now. I don’t want to go
around thanking every single person because I will miss out somebody. (But then
who reads this?!?!) For me to be typing this even before the concert itself
says that this journey has been meaningful by itself. Like they say, savour the
process, the destination is not everything. Of course, we will reach the
destination in the end, if not there won’t be any journey to speak of, but yes,
I have enjoyed this journey, a crazy tumultuous one, because it is finally our
turn to take reign and as our lovely P loves to say, make memories. We have
already come so far and achieved so much, no matter what hurt we have suffered,
what other things we sacrificed, what grudges we may still bear, LET IT GO and
LET’s GO.
For one more night.