Let’s face it. I am feeling more stress than I dare to admit.
For one, having at least 2 papers every week, on top of the regular math
and bio quizzes, and daily homework ain’t gonna cease just for tests, school
life is really getting hectic. I’m trying to convince myself that hey, who
cares about marks, that as long as I get by it’s fine, that hey, there are many
things more important than school work. But truth is, I can’t NOT care, can I?
Unless I don’t mind dropping out of school or something.
Everyone knows that everyone is stressed. We see the weariness on
everyone’s faces. On the surface we laugh and joke and be stupid. But inside,
we are all tired.
Yet, I am holding onto this peace inside of me. I cannot say I am truly
and completely at peace, but there is some of it, keeping me sane. It is a
divine peace that helps me keep calm in calamity. Focus, it tells me. Don’t
worry, it tells me. Patience, it tells me.
Often, we look back and go, ‘Thank God for this’, ‘Thank God for that’
but if we can see that God HAS helped us and guided us (in the past), why can’t
we also think of it in another way, that God WILL help us (in future)? Don’t
just thank God only when you look back. Trust in God for the future.
It is not just school. It is also the emotions, this roller coaster
where I can be up and down AT THE SAME TIME. Some people are bipolar, but I am ‘concurrentlypolar’
(forgive the nonexistent word…).
Just yesterday (and even this morning, and maybe now) I was feeling this
light headedness and excitement over somebody’s
birthday. It was the first time I gave someone such a present that was totally free
yet so priceless. That feeling of being able to give back to someone who had
given me so much was great. I can’t say it was like a debt repaid, but it was a
nice feeling, to know that you can do something to make somebody happy, even if for just a while.
Yet today, I felt so perplexed over many things. The true meaning was
almost lost. I was texting this person and the other person and then another
person all about different things and all at the same time and all through half
the day. Then, physically I was with another, trying my best to empathise and encourage.
Thank God though, that all that I was texting people for, worked out in the
end.
It’s actually quite amazing how I have time to do stuff like:
Doodle all over the cover of my revision notebook
Write 205 words of a chapter of a story
Practice piano for more than an hour for 3 days in a row
Scribble song lyrics all over an A5 page
Take pictures of my revision notes and scribbled song lyrics
Write half a letter
Type this
And many more…
All those irrelevant stuff that I just HAD to do or I’d go crazy facing
the books and notes all day long.
It’s really okay to slack off, you know. We all need a break.